KUOMagazine.com
Faith Session –
Are You a Good Listener?
Written by Dr. Phillip A. Lee Fatt, KUOM contributing
writer,
Article published September/October 2015 of KUOMagazine.com
Perhaps
you’re a good talker but are you also a good listener? Bryant H. McGill said
that “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what
another has to say.” Are you showing that type of respect especially to your
loved ones? Well don’t feel bad if you sometimes fall short in your listening skills,
we all do. However, since listening is said to be the first duty of showing
love, here are six quick things you can do to become a better listener (based very
loosely upon an article by Caleb Storkey).
1.
Be attentive, stand or sit facing the speaker and make good eye contact.
Refrain from interrupting while the other person is talking, and show an
interest in what is being communicated. Everybody has stories they’re just
waiting to tell – including you.
2.
In an era where some of us are accustomed to passing time with portable
electronics, don’t start fiddling with your smart phone or tablet while someone
is talking to you, unless you tell them that you’re going to silence or turn
off your device so you can concentrate on the conversation.
3.
The late Steven Covey author of the still popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said that “Most people do
not listen with the intent to hear; they listen with the intent to reply.” Just
focusing on what you have to say while ignoring what the other person is trying
to communicate is not the way to have a good dialogue. It takes practice but
develop the habit of temporarily logging what you reflexively want to say to
another part of your mind, and really focus on hearing the other person. You
may be surprised that many times, other people share the same opinion as you
do, but are expressing it in another way.
4.
Sometimes listening stops before the conversation starts. Preconceived ideas
and prejudices can stifle a conversation before it even begins. Try not to
instantly put labels on other people or divide them into distinctive groups, but
think of people as individuals. While they may agree with one or more things in
a general group, they are otherwise unique in their thinking and opinions. Also
remember that one effective way to diffuse a potentially explosive argument is
to respectfully agree to disagree.
5.
Watch your body language; it can be distractive and may convey the wrong
message about your reaction to what is been said. Don’t constantly fidget,
cross arms, look elsewhere or make ridiculing facial expressions. To show your
interest, lean slightly forward and exhibit an enthusiastic, relaxed nature.
6.
Finally treat what a person shares with the utmost of confidentiality. Never
look to use anything that someone shares with you for any purpose other than
good. People will open their thoughts and hearts to you when they sense that
you are trustworthy and sensitive with their information.
Putting
into practice these six principles will start you on the way to become a better
listener. Good speakers are always in demand on the public stage, however, in
the private arenas of personal contacts with loved ones, friends, business
associates, and customers - good listeners are the most welcomed, appreciated
and loved.
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